Animal Jokes, Humor, Satire And Humorous Anecdotes
Clean as cold water can get em 
Friday, June 4, 2010, 12:55 AM - Dog
Posted by Administrator
Larry went to visit his 86 year old grandfather in a very rural area. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, Larry's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon and eggs. Larry noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?'

His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal'.

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, Larry was concerned about the plates as it appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, 'Are you sure these plates are clean?'

Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you worry, I don't want to hear another word about it'.

Later that afternoon, as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. Larry yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, 'COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN NOW, YAH HERE ME!!!

Submitted by Greg Hall
A national directory of lawyers.
1 comment ( 1227 views )
Talking Dog for Sale 
Friday, June 4, 2010, 12:42 AM - Dog
Posted by Administrator
This man sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black dog just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The man is amazed.

He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars."

The man says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?

"The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."

Submitted by Greg Hall
Find A Lawyer at National Lawyers Directory.
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Two Horses 
Tuesday, May 5, 2009, 09:00 AM - Horse
Posted by Administrator
A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"

The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"

The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.

The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!" The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."

The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"

The bartenter, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.

The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
9 comments ( 1261 views )
A turkey was talking to a bull 
Tuesday, May 5, 2009, 06:44 AM - Bird
Posted by Administrator
A turkey was talking to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I just haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of manure and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more manure, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a week, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BS might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
6 comments ( 1017 views )

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